I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
