yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
