Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
