oh god the rape fog is back!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
