Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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