just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
