Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
