My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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