I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
