***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
