mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
