Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
