Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
