I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
