recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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