you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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