It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
