i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
