You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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