im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
