Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
