You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
