i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
