You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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