My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
vagina is talking i cant
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
