What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
