my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
