You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
