the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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