i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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