remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Welp...herpes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
