i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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