she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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