just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My penis needs a shock collar
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
did you just send me my own nude
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
