Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
