I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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