He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
