watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
