I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
