i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
