Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
