I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
