Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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