No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
