it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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