The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
