My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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