3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
