I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
