Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
