we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
